My Mid-Life Crisis Fears

In less than a month, I'll be welcoming my 26th year in the world and honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. My fear is that it's the start of my mid-life crisis, and I'm seriously not that happy with the way I handled my life.

I have lots of fears on my 26th birthday, and hopefully, I can cross off some of them before my 27th. =)

1.) FEAR OF GOING BACK TO GROUND-ZERO FAITH.

- I guess at this point, I've always been a mediocre when it comes to practicing my faith. I can still clearly remember when I was burning for God (that was seven years ago), and I can also remember when I started back sliding less than a year after. After that, I can't seem to find my leverage to stand up again, and I then started the pattern of being faithful before slipping down again. I've started to hate myself, but I know that it won't get me anywhere. So, I hope that with all the plans I've been making, I can finally find that anchor to lift me up from this mediocre state.

2.) FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE A CHILD.

- I'm not planning on marrying any time soon. But I'm not getting any younger, and unfortunately, my Ob-Gyn has already spooked me by saying that women like me who suffer PCOS lose their chance of having a baby beyond 27. She even told my mother that I should get a boyfriend and get myself impregnated each year (I was 23 at the time) until I reach 27. Afterwards, I should just start using birth control pills, LOL. Anyway, I try not to think about it, but sometimes I just can't help but feel depressed. I certainly don't want to wake up childless at 30 and blame myself for not listening to my Ob-Gyn. Hopefully, once I get problem number 1 fixed, number 2 will go away by itself. =)


3.) FEAR OF BEING BROKE.

- LOL. Who doesn't, right? But really, I've been unemployed for about six months now and staying at home isn't too relaxing for me anymore. Fortunately I have freelance article writing gigs that help me stay afloat, but they're not full-time so the pay isn't regular in coming. Also, since there are a lot of distraction when you're all alone at home, I sometimes find myself putting off a task so I end up working weekends.

4.) FEAR OF A MEDIOCRE EMPLOYMENT.

- Well. I've been unemployed for a long time already and I'm afraid that I'm going to immediately accept any offer for a full-time position that comes my way without even thinking about it. And honestly, having 3 jobs in 4 years isn't a very good track record. Therefore, I hope the next full time job I get is in a place where I can grow career-wise and can make me stay there for more than 5 years.

5.) FEAR OF NOT GROWING.

- I've already wasted six months of my life being unemployed. I mean, in those six months I should have already finished a couple of books, or learned a new language, or learned a new skill. Instead, I've been procrastinating and spending my time looking for alternative freelance writing gigs, setting up numerous blogs that I don't even have time to update, and watching too much TV series.

6.) FEAR OF GROWING TOO BIG..LITERALLY.

- I know that as a person ages, his/her skin has less elasticity, so I'm basically afraid that I'll retain flabby arms and legs even if I'm successful in getting rid of internal fats. But, who am I to say that without trying first, right? :)